| Peace and calm are really good things all in and of themselves. Enjoyment/JOY is better for health than all the "health rules" in the world. |  |
photo by Colleen Prieto
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query calm. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query calm. Sort by date Show all posts
Friday, November 3, 2017
Peace and calm
photo by Colleen Prieto
Monday, May 30, 2022
Quiet and still
Five minutes of calm and of gratitude can reset your soul.
photo by Nicole Kenyon
Saturday, November 4, 2023
Calm, happy, trusting
When he is calm and happy and trusting, THEN you will feel better—not because of things we wrote, or didn't, but because you will BE better. You will see it in your son's eyes.
Don't make it about you. Make it about his range of exploration and his choices and his learning and his happiness. You can live on the interest, if you invest enough in him.
photo by Amy Milstein
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Calm and Quiet
—Pam Sorooshian
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Thursday, September 14, 2023
States of being
I have vivid memories of being childless. I had babies, and children, and teens (not all at the same time). Now I'm a grandmother.
May your status and your transitions be peaceful and calm, with joys to discover.
photo by Tessa Onderwater
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Patience
In 1997, someone asked how unschooling moms stayed patient.
Other moms have told me they think I'm patient. It makes me feel guilty because I have the internal list of all the times I've blown it, but a few things have helped me.
The biggest was Adult Children of Alcoholics, an al-Anon group. I went to meetings for four years and learned a lot of calming and encouraging things. One of those is to remember what I wanted and needed as a child. Then I try to give those things to my children. I don't mean toys or books. I mean listening, and smiling, and joking, and letting them climb on stuff even if it made me nervous, and not making such strictly-to-the-minute rules like "be back at 5:45 or else" and other arbitrary control-junk. One of the quotes/sayings from that learning-time is "How Important Is It?" and thinking that little mantra can help a ton all by itself. If we waste our energy and our relationship with our children on how they wear their socks and where they keep their toothbrush between times, there's nothing left for important things. I try to save it for important things, and I try not to be the defining judge of what's important. There are things the kids consider very important, and I force myself (at first, until I calm myself and remind myself to give) to pay attention to their stuff too. No "That's nice dear" while I ignore them. When it happens, occasionally, that I've done that, I feel bad and I sometimes go back and say, "Tell me again about that game. I'm sorry. I wasn't really listening."
Next biggest influence was La Leche League. There I learned that children have within them what they need to know, and that the parent and child are a team, not adversaries. It reinforced the idea that if you are loving and gentle and patient that children want to do what you ask them to do, and that they will come to weaning, potty training, separation from mom, and all those milestones without stress and without fear if you don't scare them or stress them! Seems kind of obvious, but our culture has 1,000 roadblocks.
From having studied meditation and Eastern religion, I learned the value of breathing. I think what it does is dissipate adrenaline. I remember in the 1960's and early 1970's it was Big News that yogis could *actually* slow their heart rates at will! WELL duh. People had been doing it in church (those who cared to actually "be still and know") for hundreds of years, but nobody thought to wire up contemplative Christians.
When people (parents or kids) are agitated and are thinking for a moment that something has to happen JUST THIS WAY and RIGHT NOW, breathing helps. Deep breathing, slow, and full-as-possible exhalation. This is, in Western terms, "count to ten." Calm down and let the adrenaline go. Some people have biochemistry that's not easy to control, and some people count too fast.
SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
(read aloud as an intro, in the recording at the bottom of the page)
photo by Sandra Dodd of the neighbor's tree seen through an inch-thick piece of ice from a bucket of water on a cold day
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Other moms have told me they think I'm patient. It makes me feel guilty because I have the internal list of all the times I've blown it, but a few things have helped me.
The biggest was Adult Children of Alcoholics, an al-Anon group. I went to meetings for four years and learned a lot of calming and encouraging things. One of those is to remember what I wanted and needed as a child. Then I try to give those things to my children. I don't mean toys or books. I mean listening, and smiling, and joking, and letting them climb on stuff even if it made me nervous, and not making such strictly-to-the-minute rules like "be back at 5:45 or else" and other arbitrary control-junk. One of the quotes/sayings from that learning-time is "How Important Is It?" and thinking that little mantra can help a ton all by itself. If we waste our energy and our relationship with our children on how they wear their socks and where they keep their toothbrush between times, there's nothing left for important things. I try to save it for important things, and I try not to be the defining judge of what's important. There are things the kids consider very important, and I force myself (at first, until I calm myself and remind myself to give) to pay attention to their stuff too. No "That's nice dear" while I ignore them. When it happens, occasionally, that I've done that, I feel bad and I sometimes go back and say, "Tell me again about that game. I'm sorry. I wasn't really listening."
Next biggest influence was La Leche League. There I learned that children have within them what they need to know, and that the parent and child are a team, not adversaries. It reinforced the idea that if you are loving and gentle and patient that children want to do what you ask them to do, and that they will come to weaning, potty training, separation from mom, and all those milestones without stress and without fear if you don't scare them or stress them! Seems kind of obvious, but our culture has 1,000 roadblocks.
From having studied meditation and Eastern religion, I learned the value of breathing. I think what it does is dissipate adrenaline. I remember in the 1960's and early 1970's it was Big News that yogis could *actually* slow their heart rates at will! WELL duh. People had been doing it in church (those who cared to actually "be still and know") for hundreds of years, but nobody thought to wire up contemplative Christians.
When people (parents or kids) are agitated and are thinking for a moment that something has to happen JUST THIS WAY and RIGHT NOW, breathing helps. Deep breathing, slow, and full-as-possible exhalation. This is, in Western terms, "count to ten." Calm down and let the adrenaline go. Some people have biochemistry that's not easy to control, and some people count too fast.
(read aloud as an intro, in the recording at the bottom of the page)
photo by Sandra Dodd of the neighbor's tree seen through an inch-thick piece of ice from a bucket of water on a cold day
__
Monday, May 9, 2022
Calm and thoughtful
photo by Holly Dodd
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Read, try, wait and watch
Read a little. Try a little. Don't do what you don't understand.
Wait a while. You probably won't see an immediate change. But don't pull your plants up by the roots to see if they're growing. That's not good for any plants or for any children. Be patient. Trust that learning can happen if you give it time and if you give it space.
Watch your own children. Are they calm? Are they happy? Are they curious and interested in things? Don't mar their calm or their happiness with arbitrary limits, or with shame, or with pressure. Be their partner.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Saturday, September 22, 2018
Happy, calm and loving
"Don't bring all the scary, negative and dark stories from the internet into your home. It will make your home and your lives scary, negative and dark. The most important thing you can do for your children's health is to provide them with a happy, calm and loving home."
—Eva Witsel
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Friday, February 19, 2021
A stable, calm place
When the stories are about YOUR children, and not just other people's children, you'll be in a more stable, calm place.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sunday, December 23, 2018
Calm, sweet joy
and your sweet surprises
bring you much joy.
words by Sandra Dodd, written for a Christmas card
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Friday, May 17, 2019
Calm and open
Unschoolers' support of their children's interests not only creates more peace at the time, and better relationships, but it keeps the world calm and open to them, for their dabbling, curiosity, and exploration.
photo by Sandra Dodd
Friday, August 7, 2020
Peace where you are
| Resting is fine. Waiting can be good. Stretching out at home and being still might be the best response to much of life.
Find some peace |  |
photo by Karen James
Friday, January 4, 2019
Invest in your future grandchildren
Every negative word, thought or deed takes peace and positivity out of your account. Cynicism, sarcasm—which some people enjoy and defend—are costly, if your goal is peace.
Biochemically / emotionally (those two are separate in language, but physically they are the same), calmer is healthier. I don't know of any physical condition that is made better by freaking out or crying hard or losing sleep or reciting fears. I know LOTS of things that are made better—entire lives, and lives of grandchildren not yet born—by thoughtful, mindful clarity.
It's okay for mothers to be calm. There are plenty of childless people to flip out. Peek out every few days, from your calm place, and check whether their ranting freak-out is making the world a more peaceful place. If not, be grateful you weren't out there ignoring (or frightening) your children helping them fail to create peace from chaos.
photo by Jo Isaac
Monday, May 4, 2020
Comfort, patience
| When it's easy to be calm and patient, anyone can do it. The special service to a child, and the evidence of growth in a parent, is learning to be more calm, for the child's sake. The real patience is finding a way to quiet one's hurry, to slow down to a child's pace, for a while. |  |
SandraDodd.com/patience
photo by Elaine Santana
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Saturday, October 14, 2017
A little more
| A little more time. A little more patience. A little more joy. A little more calm. |
photo by Janine Davies
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Soft and Sweet
| Be soft and sweet, or else your children won't have a soft and sweet mother. Keep your house happy and calm, or else your children won't have a happy and calm environment. |  |
photo by Holly Dodd
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Think of a scent
| I like the way my hair conditioner smells. I don't know what scent it is, but I try to remember to take a deep breath with it in my hands. Sometimes realtors recommend baking cookies before a prospective buyer is coming to view the house. I don't know what bluebells smell like, but I do have lilacs blooming in my yard this week. |  |
Breathing will calm you down, and help center you.
Breathing in a lovely scent might calm and help transport you.
photo by Janine Davies
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Read, try, wait and watch
Read a little. Try a little. Don't do what you don't understand.
Wait a while. You probably won't see an immediate change. But don't pull your plants up by the roots to see if they're growing. That's not good for any plants or for any children. Be patient. Trust that learning can happen if you give it time and if you give it space.
Watch your own children. Are they calm? Are they happy? Are they curious and interested in things? Don't mar their calm or their happiness with arbitrary limits, or with shame, or with pressure. Be their partner.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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