Showing posts with label dyad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dyad. Show all posts

Monday, October 9, 2023

Choosing to relax

I know the word "struggle" is as popular as "groovy" was in 1967, but it's not nearly as groovy.

If every time you start to write or say "struggle" you stop and rephrase, then you can move toward rephrasing every time you *think* "struggle." And your struggles will be over as soon as you stop struggling.

Struggling is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down.

Find ways to relax, rather than to struggle.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Thursday, August 17, 2023

Think deeply; respond kindly

"Focussing on being my child's partner is helping me to place my real life children front and centre of my attention and to think deeply and respond kindly and appropriately to their particular needs in this particular moment."
—Zoe Thompson-Moore

SandraDodd.com/seeing
photo by Cátia Maciel

Friday, August 4, 2023

Steam-power, restored

The first time I went to Hollycombe Steam Fair was in 2011. I have been twice since, always with other unschoolers. Part of what I love about the whole collection of steam-powered machinery is that it has been found, gathered up and moved, restored, and maintained by volunteers who learned how to repair machinery from before they were born. Curiosity, a love of technology and of engineering, and a sense of wonder at how people lived at the turn of the century before this one have proven again that learning doesn't require school, or a curriculum, tests, or degrees. If the engine runs and if the gears are all set up so that the ride moves smoothly and safely, there is success.

There are also calliopes, and if you click below, you can see and hear more.

Steamfair Sights and Sounds
photos by Sandra Dodd

Thursday, June 8, 2023

Good for a long time

If parents don't heal from those kinds of issues in their own childhoods, they will likely be perpetuated onto the next generation. Parents discovering and letting go of their old baggage is essential for unschooling to flourish.

And, as well as being good for unschooling, it's also good for the parents themselves, their children, family and other relationships, and generations to come!
—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Nicole Kenyon

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

Passing real tests


Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd (Holly was 12 and told an older story, in 2003):
My husband's oldest brother came to visit and she and Marty discussed how to deal with his quizzy questions, usually math. She told me a story from when she was littler, maybe eight. Uncle Gerry had been here, and Holly was brushing her teeth. He stood watching her, and started in about how important it is to brush teeth and floss, because (as Holly reported, he said in a teacherly voice) "Do you know how many sets of teeth you have in this lifetime?"

Holly said, "Two?" (in a kind of "is this a trick question" tone) and she said he was already holding up his index finger as the "one" of the coming "right answer," and he added another finger and sheepishly said, "That's right. Two."

So Holly won a big point and never even told us about it at the time. Cool story. I don't think he quizzed them this time. It's getting to the point that they're likely to know something he doesn't know and he likes to maintain his semblance of superiority. LOL!

original (2/3 down that topic)
Update in 2021, Holly 29 years old, and Gerry having recently been in town when Holly was here, too. Holly was very helpful to her uncle, driving him to an auto parts store and helping him figure out what his plan might be to get back to Alamogordo, if his car couldn't be fixed easily. She's nearly 30 now, and he's in his mid-70s. After she left, he went on for a while about how helpful and good-hearted and wonderful she is. I appreciated hearing it, and passed it on to her later.



SandraDodd.com/betteranswers
photo by Irene Adams (Holly's aunt; my sister)

Holly was seven in this photo, with more of her first set of teeth, casually preparing for Uncle Gerry's quiz-to-come the next year.

Friday, March 3, 2023

Please and thank you

This was written in 2005, so note the update below.
My husband and I always said please and thank you to each other, and friends would comment on it, when were were dating and first living together. They said they don't say "please" for a glass of water or "thank you" for a kleenex. We always did, though, and still do. The kids picked it up easily because they heard it all the time.

Today's our 21st wedding anniversary.
We were together for six years before that.
We still say please and thank you, and we say it to the kids, too.

(original)


Later this month we will have our 39th anniversary.

When Keith thanks me for making a meal, I thank him for having bought the groceries. Tonight he thanked me for making a fire, and I thanked him for the firewood.

Experiments and experiences
photo by Rachael Rodgers, in 2016
when we'd been married 32 years

Friday, February 17, 2023

Rich, full lives

Meredith Novak, years ago, on communicating with relatives who ask about unschooling:

It's helpful to keep in mind that one of the big things grandparents want is a sense of connection with their grandchildren. When kids aren't in school, that can feel awkward - what the heck do you say to a child other than "what are you doing in school?" Especially if you only see him twice a year? It can leave extended family members stymied. So it helps a whoooole lot to feed them useful information and conversation starters in the form of something grandparents usually like anyway - pictures and stories of their grandkids. Keeping a blog or sending regular notes (via facebook or plain old snail mail) goes a long way in that regard. And! they get to see their beloved grandchildren happy and adventurous, which can help to reassure them on that score.

Unschooling can come across as some kind of weird cult if you try to explain it from a theoretical side first. Start with happy kids living rich, full lives and school starts to seem less of an issue.
—Meredith

SandraDodd.com/relatives/responding
photo by Cátia Maciel

Monday, February 6, 2023

Giving and connecting

[The word "Service"] stirred negative feelings for many years, until I had my first child.

Being with my children, giving them in each moment all I can, learning and growing with them, changed my understanding of "service."

I have chosen to give, help and serve my children. I feel being with them has contributed towards a new understanding of the word as well as a way of building a connection with them. I can also see how it can be extended to others.

I realize how much weight a word can carry, how changes in my own feelings have lightened that weight and thrown a new light on the word itself. Service now stirs up and brings great feelings of joy.

— Parvine Shahid
March 2015

SandraDodd.com/serviceResponse
photo by Cátia Maciel

Friday, December 23, 2022

Two or three nice things

When I was a kid, if my mom had done one nicer thing a day, that would have been thousands of nicer things in my childhood.

What if a mom does two or three nicer things a day?

What if a dad were to do two thoughtfully nice things every day for each child?

Even after I got good at making choices toward what was peaceful and fun and funny and accepting, there were, and still are, times I wish I hadn't spoken or acted before thinking of whether there was a nicer way.

If you practice, the idea of doing only two or three nice things in a day will seem like much too small a goal.

Kindness and Rich Lives
photo by Janine Davies

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Reading minds; thinking thoughts

Sometimes I think I know what someone is thinking, or what my cat wants. Sometimes I'm right.

When someone, or my cat, thinks about something I don't know anything about, the eyes, face or posture can't give me any clues, and my guesses are all wrong.

People can think thoughts, but they can't really read minds very well.

Quiet enough to hear
photo by Gail Higgins

Monday, November 14, 2022

Everyday things; interesting things

We live in an everyday-thing world. People always have.

The only way to avoid the everyday world is to limit and control our children, to be separate from the world in ways that will keep our children from learning naturally about the things around them.
. . . .

The more time parents spend with their children, doing interesting things together, the less they will worry about other things.

from Always Learning
photo by Sophie Larcher

Saturday, November 12, 2022

Smile and create peace

I know that I can change the whole mood in my household simply by smiling and "be"ing happy. It creates a happy energy that infects others around me. I remember when both my girls were babies, I would cradle them in my arms and consciously smile and create peace in my heart while I was holding them. Sometimes, I was tired or anxious for them to fall asleep and it would make me feel less happy about that moment, so to shift it was a positive thing to do. I have happy memories of rocking my babies, while they seem to have a happy peace about them, and I think that is why my mood shifts will change theirs, even still now that one is 14 and one is 6.
Jenny Cyphers
(whose girls are grown now)

original
photo by Cátia Maciel

Wednesday, September 7, 2022

Having a good life

Some days, some moments I am overwhelmed by just how fantastic my life is and how supportive my husband is. David is absolutely wonderful.

...we simply loved each other as we do most days. And we gave to Simon and Linnaea and we gave to each other and it was good.

I love that my sacred and my profane, my everyday and my for special occasions is one and the same. I hope all of y'all are having a good life. I hope the small things that infuse your day with joy come together and weave a tapestry of rich and royal hue.
—Schuyler Waynforth

halfway down SandraDodd.com/spouses
(I left out the stories and shared the mushy parts.)
photo by Gail Higgins

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

Elation is good.

Sandra Dodd:
If something causes biochemical euphoria or elation, and if the goal is learning, and peace, seek that out. Pay extra for that. Clear your calendar to help your child obtain that.
Virginia Warren:
To the extent that our brains are chemical computers, dopamine is the program that we experience as happiness. Seeing "getting a dopamine hit" in a negative light is literally disapproving of happiness.

SandraDodd.com/gettingwarm
photo by Karen James

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

One thing

Change one thing. Smile one sweet smile. Say one kind thing.
Change one thing.
photo by Nicole Kenyon

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

Small, simple steps

There are people whose lives have been transformed because they wanted good relationships with their children and they took small, simple steps to get there.
SandraDodd.com/change/ (Thoughts on Changing)

SandraDodd.com/change.html (How Unschooling Changes People)

SandraDodd.com/gettingit (Unschooling: Getting It)
Those three pages are an impressive collection of the powerful difference a deep understanding of unschooling, and its practice in a home, can make to parents as individuals.

SandraDodd.com/oneonone
photo by Cátia Maciel

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Smooth it off

If you want a peaceful life, smooth off the rough parts. Take away the dangerous and irritating things. Spend a moment appreciating peace when you see it or feel it. It's not something you can do once and for all. It's a way of living.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Roya Dedeaux

(quote is from page 203-236 of The Big Book of Unschooling)

Monday, March 21, 2022

Kind and patient


When you are kind, it changes the kind of person you are. When you are patient, it makes you a better person.

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth
photo by Sarah S.

Sunday, March 20, 2022

Closer, sooner, sweeter

No volume of parental talk will help as much as it will help for the parent to be closer, sooner, sweeter.
Practice being quiet
photo by Sarah S.


(source of quote)

Sunday, March 6, 2022

Building a rich life

"What it takes to build a rich life is you — your time, energy, imagination, openness, passion, and optimism."
—Claire Horsley
on Always Learning
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp